Review: Twilight (Twilight #1) by Stephenie Meyer

Twilight
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Recently I’ve returned to a few books I’ve read before and I’ve had a completely different view of them now that I’m older. I figured the same thing might happen with this series now that I’m out of my whole ‘glittery vampires are lame’ branding phase where I just poked fun at the whole Twilight series and the cult of fans that followed it. The last time I read this book was in 2007, it had just been released and everyone in my secondary school was going school-girl crazy over it, even girls who teased others because 11-year-olds think

Since I read Stephanie Meyer’s ‘The Host’ a couple of years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it, so much so that I’m going to dare a re-read of it this year, I thought the Twilight series might be a good contender to re-read in a different light.

I’m actually sorry to say I was so wrong.
I tried so hard to enjoy this book because I was desperate for some light relief (I’m doing an essay on how the Holocaust is presented in children’s literature), I even tried getting into the mindset of a 13-year-old girl with a sugary crush on Robert Pattison, but it just wasn’t happening.

The frank truth is, this book is horrendously boring.
Everything about it is just flat and cringe-worthy. Bella could be mildly likeable if she wasn’t so self-obsessed over her own clumsiness and angsty misery. Edward is just plain creepy, no matter how you put it. In every scene he comes across as being woefully socially inept (which you’d think a 300 year old good-looking teenager would have got the hang of by this point) and worryingly aggressive. Of course, this aggression is meant to be romantic protectiveness over his swooning love for Bella but it’s not. It’s goddamn creepy and reading his scenes made me feel like I was covered in a coating of slime.
And it’s all so very obvious. We’re repeatedly told the same information in a hundred different ways – Meyer doesn’t just want to get the point across, she wants to nail a neon placard to our face.
C’mon, we get it.

Everyone loves Bella, Bella is oblivious and doesn’t know why anyone loves her, poor dear.
The first third of the book contains barely anything else. It’s absolutely mind-numbing.

For once, I’m actually congratulating 12 year old me for hating this trash, kudos to you past-Enya, Darren Shan’s vampires kick ass.

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